Both husband and wife went together for classes before and after the baby was born. They did not know, like most people, that there were techniques to make childbirth easier and that the husband could get involved.
“You have to understand. A husband’s protective instincts are aroused when he sees his wife undergoing labour and he might turn aggressive if he is not prepared. I give the couple classes before and after childbirth and prepare them for this life changing experience ”said Ms.Mohanie Ahangama(telephone 4517768), Pre-birth and Post-birth Educator, who runs “Pulse Beat”, Pre and Post Birth Centre and gym.
Ms.Ahangama has over twenty years of experience as a midwife and health visitor in England and has delivered babies in England. She said that she trains the parents-to-be in breathing techniques during labour and says that there is a transition period during which the mother is not supposed to push the baby out but many people don’t know that. She also has a gym where a new mother can exercise and get her stomach down after pregnancy.
Paul was a young father who was present when his wife delivered their son and it was he who cut the umbilical cord, following the doctor’s instructions. “It was a very special moment for me and I agree that it helps the new family to bond” he said.
Even if the father was not present when the baby was born, he can still get involved in caring for the child. A mother cannot do it alone even though down the ages, mothers have coped, becoming irritable and sharp-tongued as a result.
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I have done research for many years into “Human Relations and The Family Unit” and have listened to the intimate life stories of hundreds of men, women, teenagers and children. Basically, I try to find out what makes people happy and why so many are Just Plain Dissatisfied.
My research has shown that, contrary to popular myth, the first break in the family comes from the birth of the first baby. Dr.Benjamin Spock, author of the best-selling book, “Baby and Child Care” says, “The infant is selfish. Its demands come first.” He goes on to say that unless the father gets involved, the mother does the baby’s work alone and becomes an expert, leaving the father behind.
I met a young trishaw driver who said that he washes his baby’s nappies and his wife’s clothes before leaving home because he has realized the strain on the young mother of caring for the baby.
A father can do everything for the baby except breastfeeding. He can carry the baby and learn not to be clumsy and be gentle. His deep voice can lull the baby to sleep.
Even where breastfeeding is concerned, the mother can express the milk into a bottle and leave it with the father and go on a well-deserved outing. Mothers today are doing that and coming home, refreshed and smiling.
It is good for the father to care for the baby and spend time learning his child’s habits from baby days onwards. Bill Cosby, the film star and well-known comedian, recalls happy memories of caring for his children even escorting his little princess to the toilet.
But a father must forget about working overtime and earning more money and thereby staying away from home. He must forget about promotions in office and his career and spend time caring for his newborn child.
Money cannot buy the wonderful memories and the cementing of the family unit where a father and mother help each other and watch their baby grow, from the clutching fingers to the first smile and the first step.
After one year, the baby becomes more difficult to handle for the toddler can put his finger into a plug point, get electrocuted and die. A house or flat must be “Child-proofed” and breakable ornaments put away, out of the child’s reach. Just a plain room with a mat and perhaps no furniture is best for a child to play.
A father can also help in the perennial task of feeding a baby. Dr.Spock says in his book, “The first battle between mother and child is feeding.” He says that a hungry child will eat and it is not necessary for the mother to be anxious and stuff the child. Besides, doctors today warn against making a fat baby for that would mean a fat adult.
But look around you, mothers and even grandmothers are busy feeding a child and they do not realize that a fussy eater means that he will be a fussy eater from babyhood to adulthood. Let’s face it, all our dietary habits were learned from our first caregiver, either the mother or a nanny.
So fathers out there, don’t regret that you did not care for your baby.
Courtesy - Daily Mirror By Sirohmi Gunesekera
