Deepa Mehta’s lovely film ‘Water’ depicts graphically the sad and tragic plight of widows in India during the British Raj.
by Fr J.C. Pieris, Galle - The Island
Without any prior announcement, on the 23rd of June, the newspapers carried the good news that the United Nations had declared that day as the International Widows’ Day. It was long overdue. In fact the sociological problems of widowhood are very old, as old as the beginnings of civilization. It is incredible to see how much negativity is attached to widowhood; she is looked down upon as inauspicious, unlucky, unwanted, burdensome, guilty, unclean, sinful and even evil. She loses the basic rights of human beings. The inhuman, atrocious treatment of widows is a blot on humanity. The Bible insists again and again on justice for the widow and the orphan. This goes to show how much it was lacking and how horribly they were treated by that society in the ancient Semitic world. The barbaric practice of Sati, forcing the widow to commit suicide on the funeral pyre of the husband, existed even outside India and up to the last century. Deepa Mehta’s lovely film ‘Water’ depicts graphically the sad and tragic plight of widows in India during the British Raj. Child widows, little girls not yet come of age becoming widows, are still extant in India. What a ludicrous and hopelessly unjust situation. We can never call ourselves civilized as long as we ill-treat our unfortunate and helpless widows. We will be civilized only when our society protects and cares for the widow and the orphan as one of its primary duties and considers it not just a duty but a privilege. Human society always swept the sociological problems of widowhood under the carpet and sanctimoniously forgot about them. With the declaration of June 23rd as the International Widows’ Day by the United Nations human society has, finally, accepted that there is a problem and decided to face it squarely.
moreWe, at the Jesuit Social Centre, Galle are happy to say that we are a couple of years ahead of the United Nations on this issue. Two years ago we began a project to empower and uplift widows to self-reliance and self esteem. Our target group was made up of widows who have children under 18 and who live below the poverty line or are Samurdhi beneficiaries. Our project was geographically restricted to Tawalama, Gonapinuwela and Baddegama Pradeshiya Sabhas in the Galle District. We shall conclude the project in another year. We hope to put all these mothers on their feet by then, independent, self-reliant and socially supported by the sisterhood of widows in their area. The project was not advertized and applications called for. Rather our field officers (young women graduates), without making a fuss, went in search of them with the help of Grama Niladharis, Samurdhi Niyamakas, school Principals, Teachers and Probation Officers. The widow-mothers were given conferences and workshops to educate them on their rights and build up their self esteem. They were formed into small groups ranging from four to eight. In their monthly meetings the first exercise is a meditation (Sathi and maithri bhavana.) followed by a sympathetic sharing of their life situations that hurt or humiliated them and finally they discuss other matters concerning their economic development mini projects. They are financially helped to primarily feed the family adequately then safeguard its health and educate the children but also it is expected of them to find and establish ways and means to generate income and become self reliant when the financial help stops in three years.
From our knowledge we gained from working with these lonely mothers we would like to inform the society at large the problems and difficulties usually faced by contemporary Sri Lankan widows. It must be made clear that we are dealing with the bottom stratum of society not the rich, powerful and influential widows. After all, the first woman Prime Minister of the world was a widow from Sri Lanka and the first woman president of Sri Lanka too was a widow. But the situation of the widows at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder of our country is not that beautiful.
In our society the head of the family is the father. He feeds and protects the family. At the sudden demise of the father [1] the family loses the two pillars that sustained the family; financial stability and security from evil social pressures. The result is a terrible loneliness and a deep sense of fear and insecurity. The full impact of this blow is almost always taken fully by the mother while the children are not aware of it. Often their houses are half finished with no doors and windows making them spend sleepless nights in suspense. They get into a peculiar mental state of fear that leads sometimes to a helpless, hopeless situation of depression and defeatism. At the loss of the husband who was a daily wage earner or was self employed the widow experiences a total financial collapse. It is worse when she has an infant to look after and cannot go to work. For her it is a humiliation to be dependent on all and sundry for the daily sustenance of the family. Let me quote a sarcastic comment made by a young widow. "I borrowed five hundred rupees from a neighbour to buy rice and the pig comes asking for the loan late at night." She becomes a vulnerable sexual prey for the men folk of the village and sometimes even of the family circle who show great concern after the funeral of the husband but often with base ulterior motives. When they go to government or private institutions for various services, which are rightfully theirs, some officers who are cads expect sexual favours as bribes. When they resist these advances or pressures the frustrated men folk, in vindictive retaliation, spread dirty wild canards about them in the village. The widows become helpless and finds no way of defending their good name. When everything fails and no help is to be found anywhere some widows, for sheer survival, turn to the oldest profession in the world.
Sometimes the elder child stops schooling to look after the baby and cook while the mother goes to work. Strictly speaking it is child labour. The child is economically exploited and deprived of its right to education. The fault is not in the poor mother but in our uncaring, insensitive society. When it becomes impossible to feed the children the widow, going against the grain of her maternal heart, will part with the children handing them over to others or to the Probation. The children then live in a limbo of heartless, loveless world of loneliness and violence; no wonder they turn out to be misfits and anti social elements. This is a tragedy and a loss to humanity that can never be recovered.
When it comes to property rights the widows are always at a disadvantage. It was blatantly so in ancient times but even now there are difficulties. In one case an acre of forest land that her husband and she had with great devotion brought under tea was taken over and robbed by a thug of the village after the death of the husband. She had three children the youngest a newly born infant so she went to live with her parents for three years. When she returned only the half an acre with her little cottage was left to her. Often the relatives of the husband are reluctant to give his share to the widow. Sometimes they even hound them out of the village.
In some countries outside Sri Lanka they are worse off than here. In sub-Saharan Africa widows need to fight for their rights and combat practices which lead to their dire poverty and social exclusion. Regional and civil conflicts and the scourge of HIV/AIDS have led to a significant increase in the numbers of widows worldwide. The time is now ripe to end the silence on the abuse of widows and the lack of concern for their human rights.
It is time for the national and international bodies to take widowhood issues seriously; the consideration of practices harmful to widows is still rarely included in, for example, work around violence against women. It is still necessary to confront the common assumption that widows are elderly. However the reality is that the majority are young, willing and able to make valuable contributions to the development of their communities and nations.
While waiting for the government or international bodies to take action (Would it be like waiting for Godot?) we put ourselves at the service of those who would like to help these widow-mothers and their young children. Our plan is to find a Sponsor who will give a minimum of Rs 4,000/- per month to one of these families till the youngest child is over 18. Two or more Sponsors can join to pool the allowance to one family; or one Sponsor can adopt two or more families as s/he is inspired to. When the Sponsor is unable to help any longer s/he is perfectly free to discontinue after informing the Jesuit Social Centre, Galle.
The JSC will put the Sponsor in contact with the beneficiary. The JSC will make available to the Sponsor a photograph of the family and copies of the death certificate of the father and the birth certificate of the youngest child. The widow will open a Savings Account in a bank that the Sponsor will indicate. The Sponsor will deposit the allowance in the widow’s bank account monthly or once in two or three months which the beneficiary will duly acknowledge. The JSC will not receive and distribute the allowances. But the Sponsor may, if s/he so wishes, make a donation to the JSC to help implement this project. The JSC will be grateful. The Sponsor is free to visit the family any time. But the Sponsor is expected never to take the child/children away from the mother even for a day.
The JSC will be monitoring the improvement of the families and the studies of the children. Unless the children go for tertiary education the JSC will see to it that the children receive technical training in a trade, find work and lift the whole family out of the doldrums of Samurdhi. This is the final aim of the project.
If you join the JSC in this project you will gain merit surely, but what is more, you would have put a smile on the face of a poor widow and hope in the hearts of her children.
