This letter may come as a surprise to you and I know it is just a little bit too late, but it took me that much of time and courage to do the thinking, take up the pen and write down my thoughts and feelings. Secondly, and most important, it still has not dawned on me that you are no longer a child but a teenager.
 It was only yesterday, you wanted to perch on my shoulders... |
I can still remember, as if it was only yesterday, that you would insist on sitting on my lap in the morning, while I was reading the newspaper, with the bottle in your mouth and trying to understand what was happening in the world around you. It was only yesterday, you wanted to perch on my shoulders to get a bird’s eye view or it was just that you wanted to be taller than your father. Probably, these are the few things I might tell your children when I can no longer walk, sitting in my easy chair outside in the morning sun.
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I have been harsh, sometimes strict and sometimes indifferent but probably in my mind I have not got used to you growing up. I still feel protective and wish that you do everything right. The over protectiveness is another name for love in the dictionary of parents. True love, as I understand, creates an atmosphere, where two can flourish and achieve great things, which one cannot achieve alone. I probably wanted you to achieve many things, which you dream of, but find it just outside your reach.
In the coming years, you will be amazed to find out how little your father knows, you may be disappointed at times, heartbroken and sometimes frustrated, but it is a fact you will have to face one day. You may find me embarrassing at times, when I cannot talk to your friends, the way you expect your father to. It is possible that you might find your father stupid, dumb, orthodox and mean. But even in those moments you may wish to remember that I can risk being called names because I love you and want the best for you, now and always.
Sometimes, in desperation, I might say, “Go ahead and do whatever you feel like, spoil your life.” But what makes a father’s task difficult is that he knows that there is no way he can hold his son’s hand and help him cross the dividing line or barrier between childhood and adulthood. It is something he will have to do it himself, all on his own, picking up the pebbles, removing the thorns, surmounting the barriers and achieving his dreams.
Just remember that there are always dreams to be fulfilled, promises to be kept, goals to be achieved, rivers to be crossed, mountains to be climbed, contests to be won and happiness to be earned. But, all this cannot happen overnight and it is a very slow and gradual process and not an easy journey, even though you may wish it to be so. Your dreams are your own, your actions are yours and your life is to be lived the way you wish. I can only advise and guide you. It is up to you to accept or reject them, listen to them or close your ears, take them with a smile or with a frown, accept with humility or defiance.
Until I write to you next week, bye son.
Always yours, Thaththa
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