By John Sentamu
Prince William and Kate Middleton are about to make a commitment that is becoming all too rare, says John Sentamu.
The millions around the world who will be watching the royal wedding may not notice the wording of the promises Kate Middleton and Prince William make to each other. As with every other couple, each will be asked first if they will "love, comfort, honour and protect…" their spouse. The answer to this is "I will". It will not be "I do". We take it for granted that the bride and groom love each other on their wedding day, so there is no need to ask them if they do. It is what follows that counts.
At the outset, the couple is asked to make a commitment, an act of will, for the future. Theirs is a resolution to love, comfort, honour and protect, whatever the circumstances. Someone joked that love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener. There are bound to be times in the future when the romance thermometer will barely register a reading; those who have said "I will" and meant it, know only too well that feelings can wobble and are untrustworthy tests of authenticity, anyway. Long-lasting marriages rely on mutual understanding and forbearance. Maturity discards rose-tinted spectacles in favour of seeing things as they really are.
moreDiscovering the depth and enduring meaning of love is the goal and prize of every relationship. Marriage in Britain, whether in church or a register office, is a pact for life made between one man and one woman. But these days, people seem to fight shy of a permanent commitment to anything or anybody. The average age of a marrying couple is around 30. Many have already been living together; one in five couples already has children.
There are several reasons for this. First is the fear of commitment, particularly from men. They may have seen their parents’ marriage disintegrate and don’t want to make the same mistake.
The second reason is the mistaken belief that getting married costs an arm and a leg. The average wedding costs £20,000 and it is not uncommon for couples to want to establish a home and family before saving up to tie the knot.
In contrast, I recently heard of a wedding at which the bride had bought her dress from a charity shop and the reception was an all-day breakfast in a supermarket cafe. Another bride-to-be had lost her job and was offered a low-cost ceremony (£321.50) by the vicar in a seaside parish church, to be followed by fish and chips on the pier. She plumped for that – and why not? She is to be applauded for resisting the current fashion.
In Britain today, marriage is one of those benefits that is kept a secret for fear of offending or sounding self-righteous. That’s a pity, because it is a good product. Some 85 per cent of married people and 59 per cent of unmarried people believe that getting married is the most serious decision one can take. Even larger percentages agree that "despite the challenges, marriage is important for society".
We all share the joy of the Prince and his bride on their wedding day. It is wonderful to see two young people so in love with each other, wanting to make the commitment to spend their lives together. In that respect, they are no different to many couples up and down the land. There is, of course, particular interest in this special day given the affection and deeply held respect that the country has for the Prince and the Royal family.
The Queen has set a wonderful example through her service to her subjects and I wish her a long and happy reign for years to come – I hope that her children and grandchildren follow the high standards which she has set as our monarch. Our Queen has put God first, neighbour second, duty and responsibility third, and herself last. That is true love and devotion. And Prince Philip is a wonderful model of a dutiful husband, who complements his wife who has the leading role. He is always at her side or behind, but never usurping the Queen’s place.
The Royal family is one of the integral parts of what makes Britain great, and we should be proud of the uniting power that they continue to have in this nation. At a time of economic uncertainty, I think this wedding will help give the nation a sense of renewed hope and confidence for what lies ahead.
When you look at the public reaction to Prince William and to Miss Middleton at their public engagements, you can see the high esteem in which both are held. Let us share in the hope and joy. The blessing in their marriage service can be prayed for every married couple: God the Holy Trinity make you strong in faith and love, Defend you on every side, and guide you in truth and peace; And the blessing of God almighty, The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, Be among you and remain with you always. Amen.
John Sentamu is the Archbishop of York.
© The Telegraph
Group London 2011 / The Island
