A PRIVATE AFFAIR?

LET THESE NOT BE ‘DOMESTIC’  ISSUES

By Vagisha Gunasekara

Few weeks ago, MP Upeksha Swarnamali’s (aka Paba) high profile domestic violence story adorned nearly every newspaper in  Sri Lanka. Though some saucy details of the violence she experienced were described, others got lost in translation.  For instance, Paba and her husband were the cynosure of all eyes.
Yet security personnel and their reluctance to intervene was addressed ever so casually.  It was also reported that well-wishers and the police had the best interests at heart and are now devising a solution that would safeguard their marriage (leaving aside the minor detail of violence in a family).  Ms. Upeksha’s expose begs a series of important questions about domestic violence and our perception of the issue in Sri Lanka.  Is it a ‘private’ matter?  Why do we excuse violence when it is committed by an intimate partner?  Why do we always give priority to saving not-so-holy unions at the cost of individual safety and health?  

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In order to embark on a reflective journey about our views on domestic violence, definitions and state of the affairs is necessary.  Domestic violence generally refers to abuse in an intimate relationship, between husband and wife, cohabiting partners, or sometimes between siblings.  In this context, however, we are solely focusing on violence between husband and wife or cohabiting partners.  According to the 2005 Domestic Violence Act of Sri Lanka, domestic violence is an “abuse of power by one family member to control and dominate the other family member.” The most common forms of domestic violence are physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional and economic abuse.  Physical abuse is most obvious.  If you keep your eyes and ears peeled, you will certainly witness a slap or a beating at some point in Sri Lanka.  Sexual abuse includes a wide range of behaviours.  Partner may be forced to have sex or perform certain kinds of sexual acts against their will.  Other kinds of sexual abuse include denial of contraception or being forcibly subjected to violent sexual material.  Emotional abuse includes systematic verbal humiliation and/or intimidating threats aimed directly at the partner or at what is precious to the partner.  Economic abuse means control of financial resources in a way that blocks the partner’s access to them when needed.  Social abuse means isolation of the victim, blocking access to social supports and resources.  Possessiveness, jealousy, suspicions of sexual infidelity or emotional disloyalty are common symptoms that may later evolve into violent encounters.
The problem of domestic violence is worse than we think.   Generally speaking, at least 60% of our women are physically assaulted by an intimate male during adulthood (Bureau of Statistics, Sri Lanka 2005 Report; Women in Need Statistics).  The main problem in obtaining accurate statistical data on domestic violence in Sri Lanka is the lack of reporting.  Often times, women are reluctant to report cases of domestic violence due to shame.  In our society, we are socialized and ‘programmed’ to look at domestic violence as a “family matter” that should not be taken outside the confines of one’s home. Therefore, women often suffer in secrecy.
So, is domestic violence really a private matter?  How could it ever be called a ‘private’ issue when its costs and consequences reach way beyond the affected individual?  We often trivialize the issue by focusing on physical marks or scars inflicted on the victim (as a result of battering) and close the case by assuming that it is a one-time-wonder.  A closer look around you, a visit to a local Women in Need (WIN) office, or a GBV (Gender Based Violence) desk in a nearby hospital might change your perspective entirely.
Violence on children

While the suffering of direct domestic violence victims is obvious, we rarely take time to think about how this issue affects scores of others and our society at large. For instance, consider the impact of exposure to domestic violence on children. As many as 275 million children worldwide are exposed to violence in the home. There is a common link between domestic violence and child abuse. Among victims of child abuse, 40 pe r cent report domestic violence in the home.
This link has been confirmed around the world, with supporting studies from a range of countries including China, South Africa, Colombia, India, Egypt, the Philippines and Mexico.  Infants and small children who are exposed to violence in the home experience so much added emotional stress that it can harm the development of their brains and impair cognitive and sensory growth. At an early age, a child’s brain is becoming ‘hard-wired’ for later physical and emotional functioning. Exposure to domestic violence threatens development.  Primary-school-age children may have more trouble with school work, and show poor concentration and focus. They tend not to do as well in school.  In one study, 40 per cent had lower reading abilities than children from non-violent homes.  Personality and behavioural problems among children exposed to violence in the home can take the forms of psychosomatic illnesses, depression, suicidal tendencies, and bed-wetting.  Later in life, these children are at greater risk for substance abuse, juvenile pregnancy and criminal behaviour than those raised in homes without violence.  Many studies have noted that children from violent homes exhibit signs of more aggressive behaviour, such as bullying, and are up to three times more likely to be involved in fighting.

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