A relationship between parents and children is something natural and common. Even a relationship between two friends is nothing special. However, we still do not know exactly why and how two people get attracted to each other and build a romantic relationship. Unlike in other relationships, lovers are bound by intense feelings which range from passion to jealousy.
A romantic relationship has been a pre-requisite for marriage especially in Western culture even in the 18th century. However, as far as Eastern culture is concerned, arranged marriages co-exist with love marriages. One cannot say that arranged marriages are better than love marriages or vice versa. Yet, the fact remains that most love marriages in the West end up in divorce. It does not necessarily mean that arranged marriages do not end up in divorce. Sometimes, they do.
Sacred institution
In Eastern societies people still consider marriage as a sacred institution. So, once married the husband and the wife try to live together at least for the sake of children.Even in Far Eastern countries such as Japan, people place a greater emphasis on marriage more than romance. The position in India and Sri Lanka too appears to be the same. This may be partly due to Eastern culture and the religion.
How do people fall in love? There appears to be a multitude of factors for a man and a woman to get attracted to each other. It is true that sometimes love at first sight may lead to a strong relationship. Sometimes two strangers' eyes may lock across a room or theatre. It is interesting to find out whether good looks alone would drive two people to fall in love.
Apart from love at first sight, it would be difficult for anyone to fall in love if they do not meet very often. According to psychologists, attraction usually depends on proximity. For instance, we are likely to be attracted to someone who we know. He or she may be one of our co-workers or neighbours.
Familiarity
On the heels of proximity comes familiarity. Railway stations, bus halts, restaurants, public parks and classrooms are ideal places for us to be familiar with different types of people. We meet, talk, smile and come to assess their worth before cementing a romantic relationship. So, frequent exposure to members of the opposite sex is likely to produce romantic relationships.Although an old proverb says, "Beauty is only skin deep", physical attractiveness plays a major role in romantic relationships. It is a fact that attractiveness is an important factor in dating. Not only men but also women tend to look for attractiveness during courtship. However, some women in Eastern societies seem to downplay this fact.
What makes people attractive? Recent research suggests that women look for males with broad shoulders and slim waists. On the other hand, men look for women who have 'hourglass' figures, although they are hard to come by these days! Most young women go on dieting to have that thin figure desired by males. Apart from the body-shape, males and females look for attractive facial features. Women with large eyes, prominent cheekbones and a small nose are supposed to be attractive to men.
Unfortunately, all of us may not have attractive faces, broad shoulders and hourglass figures. However, the matching hypothesis tells us that people of similar levels of physical attractiveness gravitate towards each other. If this had not been so, most of us would not have been able to find partners!
Financial prospects
While most men look for physical attractiveness in women, the latter sometimes want men to have good financial prospects. Most women do not wish to marry a pauper however attractive he may be. This is quite logical because a husband without sufficient means may not be able to maintain his wife and children. Two proverbs "Birds of a feather flock together." and "Opposites attract" seem to be contradictory. In most romantic relationships the first proverb seems to work. People having similar interests usually get together. However, in certain instances a male and female having two opposite ideas might strike up a romantic relationship. Such occurrences are not rare, indeed.According to social exchange theory, interpersonal relationships depend on rewards and costs exchanged between a male and female. In other words, lovers assess the benefits they derive from a romantic relationship. The rewards include emotional support and sexual gratification. The costs include time and energy spent to sustain the relationship.
Volumes have been written on romantic love and it is not something we should start dissecting. Whatever the weaknesses, myths, and psychological theories that baffle us, romantic love is something serene, divine and above all mysterious!
Sunday Observer by R.S.Karunaratne
