Red Riding Hood trailer: life in the hood ain't so Grimm

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=awZMW9kIoZg&feature=player_embedded

If you go down to the woods today, ladies, it seems you're more likely to get lucky with your fella than meet a cross-dressing wolf

 

Scarlet woman ... Little Red Riding Hood comes of age Fairytales have always played a vital function, offering strict morality lessons that help to mould each generation of children into well-developed adults. However, now that they're primarily being used to sell subscriptions to satellite television companies, there's a real danger they may soon be a thing of the past.

 

Red Riding Hood
Production year: 2011
Country: USA
Directors: Catherine Hardwicke
Cast: Amanda Seyfried, Gary Oldman, Julie Christie

 

So thank heavens for Catherine Hardwicke's Red Riding Hood, her forthcoming adaptation of Little Red Riding Hood. If anyone can faithfully recreate the precise events of the definitive 1857 Brothers Grimm version of the story in a way that will appeal directly to the youngsters of today, it's her. Let's take a look at the new Red Riding Hood trailer to see her wonderfully faithful adaptation in action ...
1) Here she is, Little Red Riding Hood. "A dear little girl who was loved by everyone who looked at her," according to the Brothers Grimm. And she's wearing the bright red cape given to her by her grandmother, too. This is going to be delightful.
2) However, all is not well in Little Red Riding Hood's village. A vicious predator is on the loose, and it's picking off villagers at random. What sort of monster could be responsible for a campaign of such relentless evil?
3) That's right: a wolf. This worries Little Red Riding Hood, because her beloved yet sickly grandmother lives in an isolated cottage in the woods by herself so she's most at risk from a wolf attack. That's why, even though she knows the danger involved, Little Red Riding Hood decides to pack her things and ...
4) Oh. She decides to have it off with a bloke up against a wall. Which admittedly isn't in the definitive text of the story, but since it's been argued that Little Red Riding Hood can be read as an allegory for sexual awakening, we can write this off as an acceptable deviation. Anyway, shag over, Little Red Riding Hood sets off into the woods to ...
5) Seriously? To have it off with the same bloke? Again? This doesn't really seem on. If her grandmother has already been eaten by the wolf – which she totally has, by the way – then every time Little Red Riding Hood has sex from now on, she's going to automatically equate feelings of arousal with the murder of her elderly relative. That's bound to cause all kinds of profound and complex intimacy issues somewhere down the line. Demonstrate some reasonable foresight, Little Red Riding Hood.
6) Right. OK. This is better. Little Red Riding Hood is setting off alone, with a basket of goodies in tow, into the woods to visit her kindly old ...
7) GARY OLDMAN? Seriously, has Catherine Hardwicke even read Little Red Riding Hood? Does she even know how it goes? Everyone knows that there should a talking, anthropomorphised transvestite wolf here, not the acclaimed star of Bram Stoker's Dracula. This is very disappointing indeed. But never mind, let's just get this over with. Once she arrives at Gary Oldman's house, Little Red Riding Hood ...
Red Riding Hood 8 8) Oh, for God's sake, really? Really? Little Red Riding Hood, can't you keep it in your pants for a poxy second? Look – people are being murdered and your grandmother has been eaten by a wolf and now Gary Oldman is in her house rooting through all her stuff, and all you can think about is sex? This is crap. This whole film is crap. And, incidentally, where's the wolf? We haven't even seen him yet. That wolf I showed you before wasn't even a real wolf. It was just a painting of a wolf on a door, and not even a particularly good one at that. In fact, is there even going to be a wolf in this film? Or has he been edited out to make room for all the shagging?
9) I take everything back. It turns out that there is a wolf in this film, and it appears to be part robot. This film is going to be awesome.
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