Courtesy - The Island by Dr R.A.R. PereraM.B.8.S. (Cey), M.Sc. Psych.(Coi),O.A.C.C.P.P.(C) Canada, C. Psych. (Canada)
C.Ht.(USA) Clinical Psychologist
Maintaining a satisfying sex life is an important component in a healthy marriage. When sexual or erectile dysfunction is a factor, whether the cause is psychological or physical, the emotional impact on both partners are considerable. Since both the husband and the wife suffer this emotional pain in silence, their personal life satisfaction is diminished and their marriage may be in peril.Erectile dysfunction does not have to mean a dysfunctional relationship. It is a particular challenge that will not disappear by it self, but that can be helped by medical attention, psychotherapy, and supportive and constructive action. How couples choose to handle the situation will determine the impact on their relationship.
The female partner needs to take the lead to get her husband and the relationship on the road to recovery. The man may be suffering, paralyzed by feelings of inadequacy or shame. The wife needs to start by talking, but bring up the subject in an emotionally supportive way, at a time of reduced tension. Often, it is easier to discuss sex outside the bedroom.
• Keep the conversation constructive and supportive, especially initially. She can discuss her deeper feelings later, once a solution is underway.
• Be nonjudgemental. An essential ingredient in opening the conversation is to establish a safe space for both partners to express feelings openly, without fear of being judged.
• Being able to receive her partner’s comments without allowing herself to be emotionally triggered can be difficult, but will ensure that the climate is favourable for sharing.
• Remember to respect the partner’s right to confidentiality and resist the temptation to use this sensitive information against him later in any argument.
• Making him feel humiliated or rejected will only increase the problem. Reassure him of how much you love him despite this issue.
• Although the wife is not at fault for his condition, do not behave as though this is strictly ‘his problem’. This may be difficult, but remember that main strategy is to get him to seek help.
• Urge the partner to make an appointment with his family physician, and reassure him that he is not alone in this encounter.
Erectile dysfunction is quite common, and effective treatment is often available. Many cases of erectile dysfunction have an underlying medical condition (high blood pressure, high cholesterol, diabetes, medications taking for other medical conditions, depression, stress.).
Depression is common among men who have sexual difficulties. Couple therapy is an important component in the treatment of sexual difficulties in a relationship.
Not having intercourse does not mean that the relationship has to be on hold. Self-esteem may have taken a dive for both partners, but the answer is not to ignore each other until things are fixed. As couples tackle and solve problems together, they become stronger and more committed. Once treatment is underway, reintroduce sex gradually. The couple can also use this as a time to refine their lovemaking. Make sure that both partners clearly communicate their wants and needs. Various treatments for erectile dysfunction require a learning curve. Expect a period of adjustment as both partners incorporate intercourse in to their relationship. Let this happen as naturally and with as little stress as possible. Failures happen. Every love making does not have to end in sexual intercourse. Both partners should realise that erection is controlled by mind, and failures should not lead fear of performance.
Remember the Golden Rule! Erectile dysfunction is quite common, and effective treatment is available.
