Dr. B.J.C.Perera MBBS(Ceylon), DCH(Ceylon), DCH(England), MD(Paediatrics), FRCP(Edinburgh), FRCP(London), FRCPCH(United Kingdom), FSLCPaed, FCCP, FCGP(Sri Lanka) Consultant Paediatrician
KEY POINTS
* Learning starts from very early childhood.
* Being taught the basic desirable qualities of life should begin at home.
* Many fine qualities could be inculcated in children through homeschooling.
* Parents should encourage these qualities by setting a good example.
* Lack of some or most of these qualities is the starting point for social and moral degradation.
The entire life of a human being is a learning experience. It is especially important during childhood. Children learn from various sources ranging from parents to books and even via the electronic media. These learning experiences start off right from birth and need to be guided both at home and in school. Experts say that successful and happy people, those who do well in their chosen careers and form satisfying relationships throughout their lives, tend to share certain sterling qualities. Indeed, parents can help nurture those key traits in their children, even when they are infants. Many of them expect these to be taught in schools. However, children put into the fiercely competitive school environments lack the confidence to even hold a conversation. Such children show little genuine interest in the topic of conversation and do not even know how to interact with people of various age groups, especially their elders.
Social skills are an area of considerable importance when it comes to homeschooling. Many critics point out that since humans needs to hone their social skills constantly, a homeschooling environment where social interaction is limited, is detrimental to growth and development. In contrast, children who learn well at home are more aware of the implications and the purpose of their learning. They will ask intelligent questions and make accurate observations. Children begin their life by imitating their parents. Homeschooled children therefore pick up the sterling qualities they see in their parents. On the other hand, they are protected from the detrimental influences of their peers. These children are thus better equipped with the tools necessary to face the world. The positive reinforcement that takes place in the homeschooling environment as opposed to being abandoned, embarrassed or ignored in a normal school environment strengthens their self-esteem. Such children turn out to be better balanced and well-rounded as they progress into adulthood.
There are quite a few desirable and genuine qualities that need to be imparted to children. A basic trust in others is the foundation on which all other desirable traits rest. Without this characteristic, even babies face an uphill developmental battle. Such children who are not inclined to trust others would have a hard time building relationships, feeling confident and moving forward. Imparting trust starts right from the time an infant is born. Parents could form bonds with the baby in a way that instils a profound sense of security and faith in the world on the baby. In infancy, that means responding to the baby’s basic needs. Feed the baby when he or she is hungry, rock the baby when cuddling is needed, change the diaper when it is soiled etc. One needs to make the most of the daily interactions with the infant in talking, singing and making frequent eye contact. When the baby graduated on to the stage of a toddler, the needs become a little bit more complex. Of course the baby needs to be fed, bathed and taken care of, but he or she also needs the parents to look at the scribbles and block towers made by the baby. Acknowledging the achievements of the baby is quite important.
It is quite true to say that good things come to those who wait. Children who learn patience are able to persevere and are more likely to succeed. Teaching a child the quality of patience can help implant in him or her a feeling of independence and accomplishment. Parents need to teach these qualities by example. If a parent flies off the handle when they come up against rough traffic or a long line, they would be setting a very poor example. Children are like sponges, taking everything in. If the right things are done, the children are most likely to follow. If a parent becomes visibly exasperated when a toddler spills his milk, only one message is conveyed and it is a negative portrayal. If the parent calmly helps the child to clean it all up, then the parent teaches him a completely different thing. Children do not have the same sense of time that the adults do and this makes it even harder for them to be patient. They have to be taught to do things according to time.
To succeed in life, one needs to know how to make commitments and follow through. This is the basis of responsibility. It is something that even a baby can begin to tackle. In fact, when a little child gleefully starts dropping a cup or a bottle on the floor, waiting for the mother to pick it up, only to repeat this exercise again and again, that baby is ready to start learning about responsibility. That’s because the baby has developed a rudimentary understanding of cause and effect and the realization that there are consequences to her actions. Specifically, that means one should start thinking about baby-size responsibilities, like handing a spoon and asking the baby to give it to Dad. As the baby grows older, one could make chores more advanced, perhaps asking the little one to put the shoes in the rack or the books on the table. All this could be most palatable if the parents explain the reasons for doing these chores. These explanations must be short and simple so that the young mind could grasp the essence of it.
Empathy is a crucial key to the development of a person’s social competence. To have successful relationships, one has to know how people are feeling and respond appropriately. While even infants exhibit a primitive form of empathy, children do not really become capable of putting themselves in another’s shoes until somewhere between the ages of 3 and 6. Before then, they have trouble seeing the world from anyone else’s perspective but their own. When a two year old bops his friend on the head, he does not understand that it hurts because he has not felt anything like that himself. However, there is a lot that parents could do to help a child develop empathy. Asking a young child "How would you feel if that happened to you?" doesn’t cut it, since he’s so profoundly egocentric. Instead, explaining to the child how his or her actions affect others would certainly help. If the parents see another child with an injury or a wound, it is an excellent idea to talk to their own child about how much it must hurt. One needs to be ready to make comments over and over again. Empathy is one quality that needs a lot of repeating before one could expect a child to grasp the reality of it. Even more crucial is the way a parent behaves. A good principle is to do unto your child as you want your child to do unto others. This means paying attention to his needs and showing him that you respect his feelings as well.
Self-reliance is an important attribute in anybody. By learning to act independently, a child will grow up with a strong enough inner instinct to know what the child wants and to make sound judgments on his or her own. Perhaps the most effective attribute the parents can pass on to a child and one that helps the child to be patient, responsible and self-sufficient, is the ability to solve problems. If a 14 month old child is getting impatient because he or she cannot play with another child’s toy, one has to acknowledge the child’s unhappiness but encourage the child to look for other solutions. It is a good thing to help a child to break tasks into small steps and then let the child master each step on his or her own. One could also help build self-reliance by giving a child age-appropriate things to do. At the age of one year that may mean learning to eat with a spoon. A year later, putting on a loose-fitting shirt. One needs to make things as easy as possible such as buying shoes with self-fasteners instead of laces. The parents need to be prepared to assist when necessary. Of course one of the best ways for a child to learn self-reliance is by the parents modelling such behaviour. One also needs to remember that it is necessary to foster a child’s individuality. The problem is that teaching these qualities can be time-consuming and letting children solve their own problems takes time. Unfortunately many parents just do not have the time for these activities. However, it is a really worthwhile investment to try and make time for such things.
There are several other qualities and attributes that could be inculcated in a child, from a very early age, which would be of tremendous benefit in making the child to be a well-balanced individual in later life. Some of these include sincererity, gratefulness, respect for laws and concern for the environment. Being sincere, genuine and honest are some of the most valuable qualities that could be inculcated in a child. They must be taught that honesty always pays. One with these qualities would be admired right throughout life. Children should be taught that, even at the expense of losing out in the end, it is not at all worth cheating or lying. Especially in a sporting field, cheating would not get anyone anywhere. Being grateful, even for little things, by saying "thank you" makes the recipient of that gesture feel really good. The children should be told that as much as they like being thanked, they should also return these gestures of gratitude to make the other person feel as good or even better. A request with the word "please" added to it has an overwhelmingly attractive inherent quality that makes it almost mandatory for the request to be granted, if it is at all possible. It is sometimes very difficult to refuse such a request. Children need to know that they should always and without reservation, respect the laws of the country and even those of another country that they might visit. The folly of breaking the law need to be understood from a very young age. They should also realise what a beautiful gift of nature our environment is. It is the duty of everybody to preserve, nourish and nurture the environment. This includes plants and animals as well. A child who loves plants and animals is a child who has taken those initial wonderful steps towards being a very responsible person in later life.
Developing a sense of respect for all elders and particularly to other under-privileged members of society is an excellent quality that when developed would pay very rich dividends later on in life. Well-to-do and rich households should teach their children that it is an extremely nice thing to help the poor and the under-privileged members of our society. Children of such families who learn to help their friends in that way learn the real values of friendship and such bonds last a lifetime. Who knows? It might just be those very same friends who would stand by the child in later life if and when he or she needs help as an adult. Children need to understand that there are just rewards for showing such consideration to other human beings.
All these sterling qualities need to be implanted and encouraged in young children by the parents. They have a moral and social responsibility to do this. Most unfortunately the very opposite behaviour patterns of these sterling qualities are rampant in our so called modern society. It seems to be a part and parcel of discernible moral degradation of society. One terrible consequence of the general decline in social responsibility was seen in the recent child and youth riots in many parts of the United Kingdom. All Sri Lanka parents must make sure that they impart patterns of decent and courteous behaviour in children who are the veritable treasure and future hope of our resplendent isle.
Courtesy - The Island
