The cold marriage

William's son Ravindra was appointed to the Bandarawela district hospital as a doctor after passing out from the Medical Faculty of the Peradeniya University. Ravindra from Matara was highly impressed by the salubrious climate in Bandarawela and the natural surroundings in the verdant hill country. He was dedicated to his service, showing kindness and attention to the patients. His simplicity and decent behaviour made him popular in the hospital and the area.

Yvonne who hailed from a rich family in Bandarawela was interested in Ravindra. She visited the hospital constantly to see Ravindra. He too liked her because of her beauty, smartness and wealth. Yvonne took him for many rides in her car showing him the attractive tea estates and tea factories in Bandarawela. Ravindra was impressed by her fluency in English.

The result of their friendship was their marriage. Ravindra who visited her parents once a month did not go home at least once a year after the marriage. He did not write to them either, but informed her parents about the marriage by a letter.

Once William visited Ravindra in Bandarawela with great difficulty. The Bandarawela bound bus was moving fast along the southern coastal belt and through the hot plains in Lunugamwehera and Thanamalwila and through the mountains along the Ella-Wellawaya Road. He was exhausted with the five hour journey to Bandarawela. The following day he returned home disappointed.

"Why did you come back so soon......? I thought you would be in Bandarawela for three or four days", his wife Karuna said.

"My son is married to a posh girl. She is very stylish and always speaks in English. She is not a girl who can understand our lifestyle...... Had there been an afternoon bus, I would have come home yesterday itself," William told his wife.

"What can we do ....... that is the destiny of our son....... Today's girls are of that nature".

"He didn't step into this house after the marriage .... she doesn't permit him to come to Matara".

Letter

William, although not rich owns two acres of paddy and one acre of land with the house to live in. His garden was full of cultivations such as coconut, jak and fruit enabling him to earn a good income. Paddy cultivation too was always successful providing them enough paddy. His wife Karuna was very supportive to his daily work. Their daughter Kanthi was studying in the Central College in the town. William had to sell a coconut land to find money for Ravindra's higher education in the University.

"There is a letter for us, may be from the son......Can you read it louder so that I too can listen......."

Karuna was shouting when she received a letter from the postman.

"My son says they are coming home next week....Small kid is also coming .....See.....He is coming home after two and a half years. The kid is one year old now". William said to Karuna.

"We should treat them well. I'll find good fish, quality curd and honey..... son can take some 'embulthial' fish to Bandarawela......

"My brother is coming home... I am eager to see the small son", Kanthi said in a happy mood.

William who was enthusiastic about his son's arrival met his friends in the village and said, "My son.... doctor... is coming home next week. He is married to an attractive girl from a rich family in Bandarawela. They have a small son now."

William got up early in the morning. He was very contented and started the day's work courageously. He cleaned the whole house.

"I'll bring curd and honey. Make sure you prepare tasty meals", William told his wife.

They will reach here around 11 o' clock... "They will leave Bandarawela early morning", Kanthi said.

The whole family was impatient to see Ravindra, Yvonne and their small son. Karuna's brother Guneris who lives in the adjoining village too had come to see Ravindra and his family.

"Ah.... there.... sound of a car horn... they are close...." William said impatiently.

Baby

The car reached the house. William stood up from the arm-chair and went close to them.When they were getting off the car, mother ran to the car and took the baby.

"Come my Putha... You are very sweet".

"Come Akki... Come in", Kanthi was holding Yvonne's hand.

"You must be tired of travelling. Better to have a wash", William said.

"What's this climate Ravi... It's very hot here... Can't bear up.. we should leave here early".

Yvonne was complaining.

"Don't shout Yvonne... My sister can understand", Ravindra said.

Uncle Guneris quickly cut some Tambili and offered to Ravi and Yvonne. He was eager to talk to them but in hesitation how to start conversation.

"Thank you. Its nice. Its cooling" said Yvonne.

After having lunch, they were in conversation on family matters.

Ravindra asked about the paddy field.

"How is the paddy field now, Thaththa? Do you get a good harvest"?

"Yes Putha... It's quite good... We all depend on that..."

"Why not you give it to Ravi in writing", Yvonne suggested.

William was silent for sometime. He felt very sad about this suggestion. William thought they had come expecting some property. He remembered the coconut land that was sold for Ravindra's studies.

Ravindra who realised the change of William's mood said.

"No.... Thaththa.... She just asked about it... Don't worry..."

"No... Putha.... I want to give it to Kanthi".... words came out from William.Ravinda who wanted to change father's attention talked to Uncle Guneris."Guneris mama... How is aunty now? Are they keeping fine"?

"Yes, Putha... things are not bad... Daughter is at home waiting for O/L results".

"Better to leave now... said Yvonne.

"Then ..... Thaththa .... If we leave now we can reach Bandarawela by evening" said Ravindra.

"Why so .... hurry Putha. I thought you would stay here two or three days.. I have arranged the front room for you...

"We can't keep the son here .... He cannot bear up the climate here...."

"See you then," they started leaving them.

Packed

William packed a bag of rice, two pots of curd into the car. Karuna packed one pot of embulthial fish and two pineapples.

Uncle Guneris packed a bag of coconuts and some thambili into the car.They all hugged the small son saying "May the triple Gem bless you... My small son"

"See you then", Yvonne said to all louder.

William, Karuna and Kanthi were gazing at the departure of their loved ones. Karuna wiped her tears with her dress. William, went into the house without talking. He occupied his usual Arm Chair thinking of the past; how Ravindra studied in the village school and how he took him to the central college in the town for admission after passing the scholarship exam, how he played with sand and coconut shells in the compound.

He remembered how he came home exhausted after school, carrying his school bag.

He tried to bear up his anguish himself. William saw some birds flying in the sky through the window of his room.

By Hector S. Yapa - Sunday Observer

Who, and what, makes us angry?

It is said that the last king of our country was so angry with one of his chief ministers. The minister was famously known as Ehelepola. The king not only killed him, but also cut of all the trees known as Ehela. That gave way to a Sinhala saying: Ehelepola samaga ati kentiya kochcharada kivvot minihage nama sihi novenna Ehela gasut kapuva vagei (he was so angry with the man called Ehelepola so much so that he even went to the extent of cutting down the Ehela trees in order not to remember him).

Why are we, in the first place, angry with someone?

Are there any reasons to become angry?

Yes, any respondent with common sense would say. There are numerous reasons for being angry.

Anger has no eyes, goes a Hindi saying. When a man grows angry his reasons rides out, goes another proverb. Then comes a wise crack that goes as ‘anger begins with folly and ends with repentance’. However much we try to calm down one’s angry temperament, the anger sees no bounds. At times people use harsh words and abuse others when they are angry over something.

Anger germ

Perhaps their reputation is challenged by rivals in the field of work by expressing anger. This may happen in private apartments as well as in circles of common interest or in public gatherings, like mass rallies. Basically, it is the disagreement that causes the stemming of the germ called anger. It is followed by a verbal flow of words or a gesture that expresses the inner feelings. In some cases, the gravity of anger cannot be fathomed.

It depends on the type of subject dealt with in a particular context.

The onlookers in the public gallery in Parliament in any country are made to see how some of the politicians get angry over matters of controversy. Some public representatives are oversensitive to the point that they exhibit the anger in them than the reason and scholarship accountable to the others. This trend goes on until someone in a sane frame of mind comes and advises how one should behave verbally honouring the others in the house. As some veteran politicians used to say the ‘political anger’ or anger caused verbally is temporary and ceases to function when the debate is over.

How true this statement, is a subject that has to be dealt carefully and logically. The anger in politicians never last too long if the verbal combats prolong. If that happens, that would be a disaster. As such the popular dictum is that there are no friends and foes in politics.

Climax of disaster

This has become a catchphrase today. As a common phenomenon no one likes to see people in angry moods depicting not only angry faces, but also expressing angry words that reach a climax of disaster and ill will. If allowed to be spread via mass media channels, the anger gets magnified and amplified.

One of our good old musicians, who is no longer with us, happened to be so angry. At times he used to scold the members of the orchestra and even the singers and leave the place of practice. But quite soon he would return as if giving the feeling that nothing had happened in terms of personal anger.

This recalls the saying that ‘anger dies quickly with a good man’. He would apply his heart and soul and create melodies to the extent that they had become lasting pieces of musical compositions. He is remembered not for his anger, but for his skills unsurpassed. But he is also remembered in certain moments for his anger.

But the fact remains that he had not given way to any disastrous harm to any one in particular.

He is remembered for his melodies which has ushered in a era of serenity in most of us who love his talents and forget his occasional anger. When in anger count a hundred, goes another saying. This counting process had been a guiding principle for many individuals. The Indian statesman Nehru says in his reminiscences written to his daughter Vijayalakshmi, that he was sometimes angry with the colonial rulers to the point that he used to pen his anger in order to alleviate them.

This was an expression of my anger in my own words, he says. Then he further comments that once the expression is put on the paper, the anger dies down gradually. This gives way to more thoughts. Most prison notes give the impression that the medicine for anger is the expression of the feeling expressed in words. In Greece, this has come down in theatrical terms as ‘catharsis’ or getting rid of pity and anger.

The anger in us is one of the deadliest enemies. It may lead a person into various directions such as self pity and frustration, which will reach the point of suicidal efforts as well as homicidal pursuits. When we are overenthusiastic over some thing we tend to be in a struggle.

living conditions

Perhaps if unachieved, we get angry over the unachieved level of our living conditions. The feeling is expressed in terms of ‘self anger’ or ‘self deception’ on somebody who may have possibly stood on the way in obstruction. Anger also rests on our affinities as well as on our enmities. We dislike to see our own group of members who are likeminded get into trouble. As such the affinities getting tightened is seen, but the failure too follows in certain moments, and to achieve the goals, may pave the way for group anger.

Sick minded

On the other hand the same group may have common enemies about whom a feeling of animosity may arise giving way to anger. Thus the elements of anger and hatred are observed as interlinked. Psychiatrists have often shown cases of patients who are observably angry are sick minded. They have to be treated or else the anger will reach the point when the said patients may bring more harm than good to the masses. It is observed that some schoolteachers get angry with some of their students depending on the diversity of opinions.

Some university lecturers get angry with their students, over controversial ideological matters forgetting the fact that they have been undergraduates some time ago. The punishments are imposed mercilessly. Drivers of vehicles get angry with their fellow drivers and bring more disaster in their respective functions. Some police officers get angry in their respective functions.

Some high class administrators get angry with their subordinates depending on the issues they are entrusted.

Anger in all forms is the worst enemy for good living conditions and public relationships. Angry mobs tend to violate the existing peace and harmony in a society. At times even the expected serenity of the clergy is also seen wiped off in growing anger.

No modern technician who is well trained in his or her technology can afford to quarrel with his tools. As a result of anger things lost go beyond the things gained. The subject of ethics lurks in all subject areas, in order to help people to calm down anger. As Aristotle said centuries ago, ‘anger restrained is wisdom gained.’ 

www.dailynews.lk - Professor Sunanda Mahendra

Quiet: The Power of Silence

We are living in the world where we keep on talking, talking and talking. We often don’t think what we want to say, before we open our mouths because we are always in hurry to talk, despite thinking either it is meaningful or not, because we want to be called ‘extrovert’ (talkative, social person).

We talk too much. Unfortunately we haven’t had a single second to listen to anyone else or even to ourselves.

Just think for a while, what you like to eat or drink, what’s your favourite colour, from whose personality you got impressed, what you actually want, which thing gives you happiness, what brings a smile on your face. About 60-70% people’s answer will be a ‘question mark’.

We enjoy the music in full volume but our ears are unable to listen to the whisper and sometime even screaming of our heart, our soul or our inner self. We have time to talk or listen to others but we haven’t had a time for ourselves to listen to our inner self or to talk to our self.

Time for ourselves

Yet today we made room for remarkably narrow range of personality styles. We are told to be great is to be bold; to be happy is to be sociable.

We want to see ourselves as ‘extroverts’, which means we have lost sight of who we truly are. So, many people pretend to be extroverts while there is an introvert inside every one of us. We ignore the startling power of being quiet and pretend to be more talkative and social but at last we strike off from pretending we are extroverts.

It is okay to be social, bold and talkative but despite of all that, you must give some time to yourself. Be quiet for some time and just listen to yourself.

Keep silence and keep on listening yourself.

There is dignity in silence, which keeps you emotionally strong, and helps to meet to your soul, tells who really are you, what you can do.

That silence and quietness are drawn to the inner world of your thought and feelings, focus on the meaning of your life, meaning of your own feelings, thoughts, emotion, simply it whispers you to yourself.

Great thinkers

Great minds think alone and without those alone great thinkers the world would be devoid of:

The theory of gravity - Albert Einstein 

The theory of relativity - Isaac Newton 

The origin of species - Charles Darwin 

Google - Larry Page (cofounder) 

Apple - Steve Wozniak (cofounder)

And many more

These quitters change the world because Wisdom speaks loudest in silence. These personalities showed the power of being quiet and worked in solitude because solitude is a catalyst to innovation.

Talk to yourself

To know about yourself you must give time to yourself. Sit quietly and silently listen to yourself, may be it takes time but practice it daily, you will definitely be able to listen to yourself. Talk to yourself ask yourself what you actually want.

Quietness and silence makes your inner life rich, give power to your inner soul. Quietness has power in itself. It brings courage of lion although you are soft spoken; bring a firmly speaking style, able to talk reasonably, makes you soft and tough at the same time, teaches you what to say and how to say, produce self possession and power that did not need to flaunt itself.

Do not loss your centres, your inner self by being indulged with the meaningless noise of that world- the world which can’t stop talking.

Silence has sounds and often screams so, listen to the silence insides you. It has a quality and dimensions all its own, because silence is the source of great strength.

Remember that:

Successful people have two things on their lips - smile and silence.

-goweloveit