Pages

Thursday, November 28, 2013

Sweet November

Though the tag line "she just needed a month to change his life forever" draws audience's interests Pat O'Connor's 'Sweet November' is too full of syrupy chiches and tragicomedy. It looks phony rather than heartwarming.

Entirely different

Keanu Reeves plays Nelson Moss, an arrogant workaholic in San Francisco. He makes sexist ads for his advertising firm and dreams of making it big in the industry. This ambition is the only purpose of his existence and all the other elements like his live-in girlfriend are put in the back burner for his career.

Charlize Theron's Sara Deever is of an entirely different formula. She is the free-spirited and mysterious beauty who enters his life in November. Their meeting is comical because Nelson leans over to get the answer for a question during a driver's licenses renewal examination from Sara.

Unfortunately Sara has to pay the price for Nelson's actions because she is banned from the examination hall and has to retake the test after 30 days.

The two get off on the wrong foot because Nelson's too narcissistic to acknowledge his misdeed. He is forced to help her out when she seeks vengeance by demanding rides from him. Guilt ridden he helps her out.

When Sara proposes living with him for one month with no strings attached to cure him of his mechanical life and help find happiness and peace in the simplicities of life Nelson is quite taken aback. Though he is intrigued by her Nelson refuses to commit to the deal at first. He eventually gives into the offer. Though he finds her lifestyle strange he is attracted by the doe eyed beauty. The fact that his current girlfriend dumps him and his boss fires him also helps make up his mind.

Mixed feelings

The movie can be divided into two sections. The first half deals with constructing Nelson's masculine image. The second half focuses upon his vulnerable nature and human qualities. However things are too late by then because a dreadful truth larks waiting to be unveiled to Nelson as well as the audience that life is not as picture perfect as it seems.

O'Connor could have planned the plot in a more convincing manner when he structured his production. The story is utterly unconvincing and lacks depth. It is also a waste to use artistes like Reeves and Theron in projects of this nature because they are powerhouses of talent.

Though they have great chemistry to share, the storyline does not help in making 'Sweet November' a thrilling watch.

The tables are turned towards the end and the incidents which follow are bewildering for the audience.

This actually eclipses the tear jerking effect intended by the filmmakers.

One of the silver linings of 'Sweet November' is that there is room for us to question the wisdom of the decision that Sara takes.

The door for doubt is open by revealing that all is not well in Sara's life and that she too is hiding several skeletons in her closet. The lonely figure of a sad yet humane Nelson walking away from the site in which he bids adieu to Sara brings about mixed feelings from the audience.

Nelson's character would have suffered if it had been portrayed by another actor but Reeves makes a thoroughly likable Nelson. However one expects much more from an actor of his caliber.

Theron is entertaining and cute to watch but that is all that she projects in this romantic comedy. Since 'Sweet November' is a remake of Robert Ellis Miller's 1968 film of the same name, Theron is pressurized to get into the shoes projected by Sandy Dennis. This does not give her the freedom which he had gotten in playing opposite Reeves in 'The Devil's Advocate.'

Sunday, November 24, 2013

මුළු රෑම ගෙවිලා ගියා.

රන් තාරකාවන් දිලෙන රැයේ 
සේපාලිකාවන් පිපෙන පැයේ
හදවතට ලංවෙන්න කාටත් හොරා
සිහිනයක දැවටී වෙලී...

මා දෙනෙත අඩ අදුරෙ රඳවා තියා
සඳවතිය පාවී ගියා...
පිළිගන්න පුළුවන්ද සඳ දෙව්දුවක් 
මේ හැටිම නපුරුයි කියා...
මේ හැටිම නපුරුයි කියා...

මා උන්නෙ දොර කවුළු හැරදා තියා
ඔබෙ සුවඳ ඒ යැයි සිතා...
නිදි නොමැති නෙත් අගට කදුලක් තියා
මුළු රෑම ගෙවිලා ගියා..
මුළු රෑම ගෙවිලා ගියා..













Saturday, November 23, 2013

සමනල

ලැබෙන නොලැබෙන පතන නොපතන සෑම දෙයක් තුළම මා නුඹේ සිනහව අත්දැක්කා. නුඹ නොදන්නවා නෙවෙයි. දන්නවා. නුඹේ සිනහවට මා පෙම් බැන්ද තරම්... ලෝකයා කීවා පුංචි සමනලයා කුරිරු නෑ කියා. මාත් ඒ දේ විශ්වාස කළා. මොකද, කවදාකවත් මා නුඹෙන් අඩුවක් නොදැක්ක නිසා. නුඹේ හීනවලට පාට උවමනා වෙද්දී නුඹ මා අසලට පැමිණියා. නුඹේ හදවතට ළෙන්ගතු ආදරය අඩුවෙද්දී, ඒ සෙනෙහස නුඹට උවමනා වෙද්දී, නුඹ මාගේ ළෙන්ගතු ස්නේහය තුළට පියමැන්නා. නමුත් නුඹ දැන සිටියේ නෑ මා හඬනා තරම්...

සිහින් වැහි බිංදු, ඉඩෝරයට වැටෙන වැහි බිංදු තරම් වේදනාවක් ගෙන දෙද්දිත් නුඹ නිසා මං පාට සොයාගත්තා. ආදරණීය මගේ සමනල පැටියෝ, මං අද අඬනවා. කාලයක් තිස්සේ මට පෙම් බැඳ මා හැර ගිය, මා දමා දුර ඇතක පිය මැනූ නුඹ නිසා මං අද හඬා වැටෙනවා. ආගන්තුක‍යන් සක්මන් කරනා මේ ගිමන් හලේ ලාබැඳි සෙනෙහසකින් හමුවූ නුඹ... මටත් නොකියා පියමනිද්දී මේ දිවි කතරට දැනෙනා දුක පාළුව හරිම කුරිරුයි. මහා ලෝකයටම පෙනෙන්නට මම පෑයුවට මටත් හීන තියෙනවා කියලා කවුරුත් දැනගෙන උන්නේ නෑ. කාලයක් තිස්සේ මට ආදරය කළ නුඹවත් ඒ බව දැනගෙන සිටියේ නෑ.

මං නුඹට ආදරෙයි. හැමදාමත් සීමා රාමුවක කොටුවී මම සිටියත්, ලෝකයට පායන හැම නිමේෂයකම මම නුඹව සෙව්වා. නුඹ ආදරයෙන් මා දෙසට පියමැන්නා...

පුංචි පුංචි මොහොතවල්වල මට ලබාදුන් ඒ සතුටට, ආදරයට ඔබට ස්තූතියි සමනලයෝ. අවසානයටත් දෙයක් කියන්නද මම....?

නුඹේ සියලු තටුවල පාට වියැකෙද්දී නැවතත් එනු මැන මා සොයාගෙන... නුඹ මගේ නොවුණත්, මම නුඹ නිසාම පායමි හැම වැහි වලාවකම, නුඹට උරුම වූ පාට මා තුළ ඇත්නම් මම දෙන්නෙමි ඔබහට... මාගේ දෑතම දිගුකොට, නුඹ සුන්දර කිරීමට...

Thursday, November 21, 2013

මම = ඔයා




හැමාදාමත් මම
ඔයත් එක්ක ඉන්නවා
ඒ ඔයා මට
ආදරේ කරන නිසා නෙවෙයි
මම ඔයාට ආදරේ කරන නිසා...

Wednesday, November 20, 2013

Oba Nathuwa Oba Ekka earns best picture nomination

Asia Pacific Screen Awards 2013:

Oba Nathuwa Oba Ekka (With You, Without You) which so far won five international awards including best picture in France and Italy, has earned its latest nomination for Best Picture at 2013 Asia Pacific Screen Awards (APSA) in Australia, to its growing number of global accolades.
Film
* Won five international awards
* Best picture in France and Italy
* Directed by Prasanna Vithanage
* T o be screened on December 1 in
   Brisbane, Australia

The film will be screened on December 1 in Brisbane at the Australian Cinematheque Gallery of Modern Arts. Director Prasanna Vithanage's 2009 film Akasa Kusum (Flowers of the Sky) will also be screened on the same day celebrating the golden jubilee of lead actress Malini Fonseka's acting career. She was previously nominated for Best Actress in 2009 at the Asia Pacific Screen Awards for her performance in Akasa Kusum .

Six nominations in the Best Picture category at APSA include internationally acclaimed critical darlings such as 'Like Father, Like Son' (Japan), 'Omar' (Palestine), 'The Past' (France/Italy), 'Television' (Bangladesh) and 'The Turning' (Australia).

Oba Nathuwa Oba Ekka is a bilingual film (Sinhala/Tamil) which stars Shyam Fernando, Indian actress Anjali Patil, Wasantha Moragoda and Maheshwari Ratnam.

M D Mahindapala (Cinematographer), A Sreekar Prasad (Editor), Lakshman Joseph De Saram (Music Composer), Tapas Nayak (Sound Designer) and Rob Nevis (Production Designer) have contributed to Oba Nathuwa Oba Ekka.

Daminda D Madawala is the Assistant Director and Ebert Wijesinghe handled the make-up. Kalpana Ariyawansa and Vindana Ariyawansa contributed as Line Producers.

A co-production between India and Sri Lanka, Lasantha Nawarathna and Mohamed Adamaly produced Oba Nathuwa Oba Ekka . Rahul Roy, Iranthi Abeysinghe, Sunil Fonseka and Nadira Adamaly joined as the Executive Producers.

Tuesday, November 19, 2013

Not entrapped in stereotypes Prisone

A horrifying yet enthralling mystery surrounds Denis Villeneuve's 2013 production 'Prisoners.'The film employs some stunning filmmaking techniques as well as a gripping storyline and splendid performances.

A cinematic masterpiece

The mystery itself is captivating from the start. The high tension kidnapping thriller begins with us being introduced to two families: the Dovers and the Birches. They get together to celebrate thanksgiving only to be struck with tragedy when they realise that the youngest daughters of both families go missing.

Enter Detective Loki who has a record of never letting a case go unsolved. But would he finally meet his match with the case of the kidnappings of the two young girls? Only circumstances and time would tell. The biggest hurdle which seems to stand in his way in proceeding with investigations seems to be Anna Dover's father, Keller, who wants to take the law into his own hands when days go by with no news about his daughter.

Pulling off a film of this nature successfully is a rare feat. That is exactly why Villeneuve should be commended for his effort. Scriptwriter Aaron Guzikowski too has done an excellent job in inserting some thrilling twists and turns into the plot. Not only is his effort suspenseful but it had allowed Villeneuve to make a cinematic masterpiece of the tale.

Emotionally rewarding

The story follows both Keller and Loki on their separate missions yet it is the ultimate goal of finding the girls safe and sound which unites them. The film glides back and forth between the two with ease. The scenes shift at a moderate pace and are littered with a variety of slow, creepy tracking shots which gives you Goosebumps.

Kudos to Villeneuve for selecting a stellar cast for his production, Hugh Jackman may be the biggest name on the cast but it is amazing how Jake Gyllenhaal takes the spotlight as he manages to deliver a blistering performance as Detective Loki. Both actors churn out some powerhouse performances to anchor the film.

They work on the audience's emotions and succeed in making them care about the two missing girls as much as the characters do.

Keller and Loki are set against one another yet the audience ends up liking and sympathising with them both. From the moment he is introduced to us having dinner at a Chinese restaurant Loki captivates us with his energy and charisma. Yet halfway through into 'Prisoners' you realise that he is nursing his own daemons. Similarly it is not difficult for us to feel sorry for Jackman's grieving father yet at times these emotions are shattered when he shows bolts of blinding rage and brutality while harassing an alleged suspect who happen to have his RV parked on the location that the girls went missing. This conflict of emotions is confusing at times and makes us questions if he is also the film's true villain.

'Prisoners' also deals with several themes: the morality of what you would do to protect your loved ones, religion and the boundaries of torture. Such elements make it an adult only content. Though the theme is similar to the Angelina Jolie starrer 'Changeling,'the story flows in an entirely different direction and setting.

No doubt 'Prisoners' is of Oscar material. Smartly structured, hard hitting and deep thinking it is an unforgiving but emotionally rewarding experience. 

Ruwini Jayawardana - Daily News

Sunday, November 17, 2013

Village life

Most of us live in a concrete jungle, which is how cities are known the world over. Yet, we harbour an innate desire to get away from it all once in a while to breathe the fresh air in a village with its green paddy fields and narrow pathways. They are polar opposites - the village is an elixir for the mind, whereas the city chokes it with its hustle and bustle.

I grew up in a village off Ambalangoda where life was simply idyllic. My grandmother owned a paddy field and a vegetable garden which supplied our food. She bought fish from a fishmonger who visited the village at least twice a week on a bicycle.

There were many friends I could play with. A stream ran through the paddy fields, from where we could see the village temple. The village school had a good roll call of students. Our house bordered the village’s only road and seeing a vehicle was the highlight of a given day. It was what you would call the ‘countryside’ in the UK or US.

Unfortunately, not many people have an idea of what the countryside is all about. Many urban youngsters have no idea at all what it means to live in a village. Moreover, with many people ‘losing their roots’ in a commercialized world, they cannot visit a village they can call their own. Now, they will be able to visit an authentic village located right within the city or just outside Colombo to be precise. The Ape Gama (Our Village), a thematic concept village which showcases the lifestyle, age-old traditions and heritage of an ancient Sri Lankan village, is now open at the Folk Arts Centre premises in Pelawatta, Battaramulla.

Richness

Ape Gama shows the richness of Sri Lankan culture and the lifestyle of ancient (and not so ancient) villages comprising wattle and daub and thatched houses, a paddy field, traditional Kamatha and many other features. A house where the indigenous physician used to treat patients (Vedagedara) was also constructed. A special playground has been set for the village youth to practice traditional martial arts (Angampora). Visitors will also be get first-hand experience on how traditional industries such as pottery brass ware, batik and wood craft took shape in ancient Sri Lanka. There will also be the obligatory restaurant and food court along with the Laksala outlet which was already operational there.

This is a commendable move, because authentic villages are disappearing all over the world, not just in Sri Lanka, as urbanisation creeps in. Cities are expanding at a rapid rate, blurring the distinction between the city and the village. Furthermore, the villages (and villagers) are being assailed by the lures of the city 24/7. Almost everything that used to be exclusive to the city is now available in the villages, such as supermarkets, banks and phone kiosks.

The expansion and development of roads have anyway brought villages and cities closer together. In our connected world, it is naive to expect villages to remain isolated and untouched.

The migration of villagers to cities also continues unabated, diminishing the workforce available to the village.

Agriculture, the backbone of the village economy, faces the threat of the younger generation leaving for white collar jobs in the cities and even abroad. The latter factor has indeed altered the village economy almost beyond recognition, as at least one family in even the remotest village has a breadwinner abroad. The money he or she remits to the family usually leads to a higher standard of living for the family concerned.

Development

Villages cannot stand still. They have to move forward with the rest of the country and the rest of the world. Development has reached even the most inaccessible villages. In this context, villagers face the challenge of maintaining their traditional agri-based lifestyles with the onset of development and technology.

Although some deride the overreaching influence of development and technology on the village, who can deny the benefits of modern technology? Developments such as mobile phones have undoubtedly revolutionised the lives of villagers who earlier had to trudge for miles to find a telephone. The tractor and other mechanised aids have made farming less of a chore. On the other hand, there are negative aspects of the city-village affinity such as the spread of vice in many villages.

Saturday, November 16, 2013

Evokes maternal instincts - Baby Boom

A working woman’s smooth career up the ladder meets some unexpected bumps when she inherits a toddler from a long lost relative. Forced to take up a crash course on adoption, J C Waitt tries to juggle her ambitious profession with the new addition to her life. She is ill prepared for such a turnover since she is a woman with no time to spare.

Though her live-in relationship is hardly anything worth talking about the baby’s presence takes a toll on it. J C’s maternal instincts are aroused and she has to reexamine her own feelings on what she wants in life: to enter the rat race of success or to have a peaceful living where she can earn her bread and butter through her own innovative talents.

An alien chore

There are a handful of uniquely hilarious moments in Charles Shyer’s ‘Baby Boom’. One such incident involves J C trying to check the baby into a coatroom when she has a business lunch. Another incident involves her efforts in trying to feed baby Elizabeth. With no idea on what to feed the infant, she cooks pasta for Elizabeth and then ties to clean up the mess with a household cleaner.

Another detail in which the film excels is in the sarcasm it directs at the manner in which infants are treated in the high-pressure New York setup. Bewildered toddlers have to attend strenuous gym classes where their parents pour out their woes about private school rejections.

‘Baby Boom’ also embodies an inspiring message. Though the concept that a woman cannot achieve success as well as have a family is addressed it shows that success cannot be measured entirely with wealth. Satisfaction and happiness go hand in hand and those were the features that have been lacking in the protagonist’s life from the start.

This is why J C declines the offer of purchasing her business which is made to her by her former company. Though she realizes that she can make millions out of the deal, she also becomes aware of the fact that she can run her business while raising Elizabeth in the country. Though the stories flow in different courses, there are similarities between ‘Baby Boom’ and the 1983 American comedy drama film ‘Mr Mom.’

This is because both movies star capable adults who have to suddenly deal with the task of raising kids which is an alien chore for them. Apart from that the two share little else in common because Shyer’s version features a working woman who finds a baby suddenly dropped onto her lap while Stan Dragoti’s ‘Mr Mom’ is about a stay-at-home dad.

A different setting

One of the noteworthy errors that the film makes is in sending J C off to lead a simpler life in the country. Sure the pressure of the city gets to her but the gay manner in which she adjusts to the village environs seems artificial.

This element is enhanced when the ex New York businesswoman manages to develop a classy recipe for baby applesauce from the products from her own orchard which starts selling like hot cakes, firstly in the village, then across the country.

This is oversimplifying the situation. To add insult to injury J C also conveniently meets a lonely small town bachelor to complete her fairytale story. Screenplay writers Nancy Meyers and director Shyer should have given some though to the matter and penned it in a more realistic manner.

Diane Keaton dishes out a superb performance as J C Wiatt. She has a wonderfully maniacal gleam her eyes each time she succeeds in mastering a baby-related trick. She manages to transform her prim character of a success-crazed young professional to a likable one with amazing grace.

She fits into the role of the high-energy female executive as easily as she slips into the coming of age personality of J C who finds content in a different setting - one she might not have even dreamed about in her life. Yet Keaton manages to make all this believable through her self confident act. The episodes she bonds with baby Elizabeth are truly touching and would bring about nostalgic memories to all parents. ‘Baby Boom’ might not be more than a sitcom but it keeps you entertained and giggling in your seats. Heartwarming, sentimental and simplistic this movie is sure to become an all time favourite among your collection of movies. 

Ruwini Jayawardana - www.dailynews.lk

Saturday, November 09, 2013

පාප්තුමා ගිලානෝපානස්ථානයේ

රෝමයේ සෙන්ට් පීටර්ස් චතුරස්ර යේ දී බදාදා පැවැති දේව මෙහෙයේදී ෆ්රැන්සිස් පාප්තුමා ගඩු සහිත මිනිසකු කිසිම පිළිකුලක් නොමැතිව සිප වැළද තම යාඥාවට එකතු කරගත්තේය.

පාප්වහන්සේ දේවමෙහෙය අවසානයේ රෝගීන්ට ආශීර්වාද කරන අවස්ථාවේ මෙම රෝගියා සිය මුහුණ ආවරණය කරගෙන පාප්වහන්සේ අසළට පැමිණ ඇත.

රෝගියා කලාතුරකින් ඇතිවන රෝගයක් වන නියුරෝෆිබ්රෝමැටෝසිස් රෝගයෙන් පෙළෙන්නෙකි. එය දුර්ලභ රෝගයක් වන අතර එහිදි වායු ගෙඩි, අන්ධභාවය ඇතිවන අතර සමහර අවස්ථාවන් වල පිළිකාවන්ද ඇතිවිය හැක. මෙම රෝගයට ගොදුරු වන්නන් අලි මිනිසුන් යන නමින් හැඳින්වේ.

පාප්වහන්සේ මෙම පුද්ගලයා බදාගත් අතර පාප්වහන්සේගේ දයාව හා කරුණාව බොහෝදෙනෙකුගේ ඇගයීමට ලක්විය.

පාප්වහන්සේගේ මෙම ක්‍රියාව 13 වන සියවසේ විසූ අසීසියේ ශෘන්ත පාප්වහන්සේගේ ක්‍රියාවට සමානය.එහිදි පාප්වහන්සේ විසින් ලාදුරු රෝගියෙකු සිපගත් බව කියති. 

පළමු වැනි ෆ්‍රැන්සිස් පාප්තුමන් ලෙස තමා හඳුවන්නැයි එතුමන් තීරණය කළේ, 13 වැනි සියවසේ ඉතාලියේ ෆ්‍රැන්සිස්කන් නිකායේ පුරෝගාමී අසීසයේ ශාන්ත ෆ්‍රැන්සිස් පාප්තුමන්ට ගරු කරමිනි. අසීසයේ ශාන්ත ෆ්‍රැන්සිස් පාප් තුමන් ද දුප්පතුන් වෙනුවෙන් කැපැවී කටයුතු කළ අයෙකි.



Thursday, November 07, 2013

Kids bringing up kids - SECOND CHILDHOOD

All of us who have enjoyed the company of grandparents as we grew up, know how true Al Grant’s words are when he sings “Just don’t forget you’ll always be your grandpa’s little girl/(boy).” And all of us who have had our parents holding our new born babies in their arms know how beautiful this magic bond could be between a grandparent and a grandchild.

How could you ever forget that moment when your father and mother walk into the hospital room and lay their eyes on your baby - only a few hours old and crying her heart out. The grandma takes the baby into her arms and stares at the tiny face with a radiant smile on her lips. The funny thing is the baby stares back. Even though for most of their first week, all babies cry and cry, when grandma or grandpa hold the baby in their arms the new born is more peaceful than at any other time. This magic between a grandparent and a grandchild is a sight to behold and is living evidence of the truth in the saying “perfect love sometimes does not come until the first grandchild.”

For many people grandparenthood is a joyful one, opening up possibilities for the grandparents themselves, for the grandchildren and for the parents. “For many grandparents, the experience of caring for a grandchild is mostly positive,” observes Prof. Erantha De Mel, President, Institute of Professional Psychologists. He recalls while traveling down Duplication Road sometime back, how he had noticed an old lady in a brand-new car with a bumper sticker which read “I wish I had grandchildren first!” “That statement speaks volumes about how some grandparents love being with their grandchildren’ explains Prof. De Mel. “When they were young and their children were small, they were very busy with their lives and had no time to enjoy their children. But now when they are retired, they have all the time on earth to spend with their grandkids.”

For how long?

In other words, most grandparents adore babysitting. So much so, that it doesn’t matter when they are called upon to take care of a grandchild, for how long? A whole week, maybe two or three... or till the child is old enough for school. No problem. Right?

Not so fast. While most grandparents relish the extra playtime with the grand-babies and like pitching in, twenty-four hour nanny duty five days a week might, well, hinder their hitherto peaceful existence.

No doubt, as Grant sings, everything is magical so far as the relationship centers round fairy tales and magic things, angel faces and childhood dreams. But sad to say, in the modern world with financial challenges, this magic is fast disappearing, so much so that, there are couples who seem to believe if they wish to have children they should have them while their parents are still young enough to act as babysitters.

Even if they don’t have such ulterior motives in mind, with most mothers opting to stick to their careers after they have children, it is inevitable that grandparents find themselves acting as parents for the second time around, taking fuller responsibility, possibly with a heavy heart. “Some grandparents don’t want to be tied down looking after babies and toddlers any more. (As they still remember the hard work of parenting and its unrelenting nature) Because they have no other option, they comply,” points out Prof. De Mel.

He adds, “Sometimes the responsibility thrust on the aging parents is far too much. Some grandparents are exhausted by it and cannot find a way out of it. Some children are absolutely taking advantage of their aging parents. They engage in emotional blackmail and make their parents feel guilty for not babysitting their children!”

According to Prof. De Mel in our fast-paced society, due to various social and professional pressures, people “expect” their parents to engage in babysitting. However, he points out that it should not be ignored that the grand

parents had already had their turn bringing up children, and now it is their time to do what they like with their life. Why should they spend their twilight years raising grandkids? Isn’t it time that they enjoy themselves? “I’m all for grandparents helping out; but to expect them to sacrifice their freedom and toil extensively with their grandkids is quite selfish,” reiterates Prof. De Mel.

Too old

He gives logical reasons to drive his point home. “Sometimes, older people don’t have the patience and energy for babies, toddlers, and young ones. Unless they offer, one should not assume that their mother or mother-in-law would help out. Better to have your children in a stimulating daycare centre with other kids, than with a resentful older person, who may also have different child rearing practices.”

Prof. De Mel feels grandparents may not make the ideal parents, second time round. “Sometimes grandparents spoil their grandchildren extensively,” he explains. “They tend to buy things and shower them with gifts such as video games, movies, and various types of toys that parents would not generally buy them due to obvious reasons. Also, to show love and affection, they are in the habit of giving the grandchildren special food treats.”

He also feels that at times grandparents are too lenient with the third generation. Some grandparents don’t allow their grandkids to be corrected when they do something wrong or inappropriate. They step-in and defend them; and also comfort them when they are being corrected. “This is naturally a very conflicting situation when grandparents refuse to uphold the parents’ standards for behavior,” observes Prof. De Mel.

Conflicts apart, it is natural for grandparents to grieve over the losses that come with taking in their grandkids, including the loss of their independence and the easier role of “grandparent,” rather than the primary caregiver. Their children should realize having to hold the reins full time, once again is bound to make them worry about how they will handle the additional responsibilities. After all, they probably were not expecting to be raising kids again at this stage in their life, and so, at times, the physical, emotional, and financial demands may feel overwhelming. Moreover, couples who use grandparents as babysitters should keep in mind that when they are preoccupied with the daily demands of raising grandkids, grandparents are bound to let their own needs fall by the wayside. They would often sacrifice looking after their own mental and physical health to see to the needs of the grandchildren.

Being grateful

Experts say things would change for the better if parent-grandparent teams resolve control issues by negotiating territory, dividing up authority over sleeping, eating, homework, TV and computer use. For example, parents might have sole authority over diet and school issues, while grandparents get a say in recreational or artistic activities. Things would also change if parents express gratitude. At the least, say marriage and family therapists, parents should say, “I’m so grateful; how can I compensate you?”

Yet, no matter how difficult life might be for grandparents in their new role as primary caregivers, there is no evidence that today’s grandparents are backing away.

Thankfully so. For, children love being with their grandparents. They seem to instinctively know that while their grandparents may not have the energy they had when they were younger, they do have the wisdom that only comes with time. Unlike first-time parents, they have done this before and learned from their mistakes which are advantages that can make a huge difference in a grandchild’s life.

And the good news is, overall, every grandparent welcomes the arrival of a grandchild, regarding the experience as ‘‘a magical love’’ with positives far outweighing the negatives. Who would not consider grandparenthood as something wonderful when one moment you are just a father or a mother and the next, you are grand and all-wise and prehistoric?

As Prof. De Mel says “For grandparents, if they can enjoy their grandchildren through all ages and stages, without making things complicated, it’s a blessing!” For everybody.

Aditha Dissanayake-www.dailynews.lk